On Monday, I posted about taking another step away from my day job into my coaching practice. I want to thank everyone who posted such beautiful and encouraging words to me that day. I want you to know that you all made a huge difference in my life. I suddenly realized that I could cross "Find 7 new allies" off my 101 list! Thanks to blogging I have allies around the globe, creative, warm, sensitive, generous, brilliant people who are sharing this journey of finding our way in the world, becoming more and more deeply who we are and connecting with each other.
This is so powerful. I know we are helping to create magic in each other's lives. You can see it as a wave of exploration or inspiration goes through the tribe. You can feel it when you read that things people were just starting to say out loud are now coming true. We are witnesses to each other's possibility, vulnerability and achievements. Thank you for being mine.
And so, my gorgeous allies, let me share with you some new developments.
Before I went into work on Monday, I read Laini's comment where she said she didn't really understand whether I was quitting or going to 3 days. You know, I was really emboldened by that. I thought, "Geesh, I'm just dropping a day. Heck, if I wanted to I could probably quit! Losing a day is a walk in the park!"
And the universe also continues to participate by providing her own comments. On Monday I'm sitting on the subway, an article called Bless This Mess by John Porcellino in Utne. And I read the following words,
"I remember waking up one workday morning and just wishing somehow that the day could be over. And I thought how sad that was - to just want your life to go away."
Ouch, that gets me.
I get to work and so I don't cop out, I immediately email my boss saying I'd like to discuss a shorter week. When I sit down in her office, she explains that due to budget constraints the option of going to a shorter work week is no longer available and can't be discussed until January. January? I hear the following words come out of my mouth,
"Oh. Well, I guess that means I'm going to have to start considering an appropriate end date."
Did I say that? Yes, and I said it without hesitation. Here's what I notice. I'm not nervous. I'm in no way feeling anxious. In fact, I'm getting a little bit excited. I'm starting to think about what this means, what my next step will be, what it would be like... I notice that I feel like me.
Now, gang, I haven't quit yet. My boss said she doesn't want to lose me and said she would see what she could arrange. So, here's what I know. Whatever happens is awesome. I'm going to see what is available, and then I'm going to make the right choice for me for now. The magical thing is I'm really not afraid. I'm excited about the future. I'm excited about what's possible. I know that I can do this.
And to top it off, as I got on the subway to go home, Michelle Shocked serenaded me via my iPod with this line from Too Little, Too Late:
I'm taking the liberty... to liberate myself.
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5 comments:
Go Jamie!!! Yay for allies and excitement!
Holy cow Jamie! Way to go you amazing woman. You knew right away that this was a deal breaker and stood up for it no matter what. Whatever that means, it's going to be good. It's going to transform your life.
I'm so glad you asked her, I wonder if she would have mentioned something before January had you not spoken to her about it?
Way to go Jamie! This took such strength and focus. Your response to it is so positive.
First- where is that photograph taken?
Second- You are an inspiration!!! It is so nice to hear about your successes like this.
Wow! Yay for you! It seems like a perfect situation to be in right now. You've planted the seed but you can still make your decision. I know I've found in the past that once a seed is planted it usually grows OVERNIGHT into a full-grown plant, and so swiftly what seems at one moment a flickering whim becomes a surety, a decisive step. I'm not saying you SHOULD quit -- but if it's right for you and you can swing it, I hope you find the way. That quote about wishing your life away is so profound, and I often think of how many people are stuck there, every day, wishing the day away and then wondering where the year went. What a way to live! Best of wishes to you in your coming decisions!
A friend gave me a book to read yesterday by the swedish author Patricia Tudor-Sandahl and at the beginning of the first chapter there´s this quote: "Coming to the middle of your life is like awakening from a dream where you´re alone on a boat in trouble and there´s no land in sight. You can either go back to sleep, jump off the sinking ship or take control of the boat and keep sailing." I believe that we should always keep this in mind, every day, not just when we get older. It´s great to see you taking control, wonderful oceans lie ahead for you I´m sure and you are definately not alone on deck!
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