Monday, June 05, 2006

Becoming

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My life is changing. When I think of that I hear Galadriel's voice from the beginning of Lord of the Rings film, "The world is changing. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air." And in many ways and for some strange subconscious reason, I've been avoiding that change.

A few years ago I felt this huge discontent, this yearning to find a profession that I would love, that would feed my soul and my physical self and that would feel like me. I searched hard. I answered every career questionnaire I could find. I read books and books and books.* I came up with a hundreds of business ideas. When I stumbled across coaching, I committed to pursuing each step as long as it felt right. It always did. Now, 3 years later, I'm a certified professional coach who has had a practice for 2 years. And still I hold onto what I call "my day job."

This is not generally my personality. I tend to dive in. When I saw Nia for the first time, I knew it was for me. I went to one class and then signed up for the white belt training. When I read about Reiki, I thought "I'd like that" and signed up for the next course. When I auditioned for drama school it was because somebody casually said to me, "The auditions are next week. You might enjoy that."

So what's different? I think it has something to do with making the grand step from student to practitioner. I'm at ease with learning. I'm comfortable with starting. I'm used to working really hard on something that isn't my job. But this step to really making my life and living based on my skills and abilities is new, brand new. I've become so used to believing that it will come true in the future that it's hard to believe that the day is here.

All the best things in my life have happened when I've paid attention to all the messages and synchronicities around me. The messages from the universe to me on this have been crystal clear. Last week I saw 2 colleagues that have left their stint at the same day job - both described the sense of freedom they now have in their lives. The tarot cards I draw daily have consistently expressed a theme of change and letting go, of new opportunities and joy. The other night I dreamt that I had a beautiful new house and an amazing new job appearing in a spectacular play with great creative artists. I was so excited. But the director told me that to get my script I had to go to the WOBB building and I had no idea where that was. All I knew was that it seemed to be a vast distance away. No one I asked seem to know exactly where it was. Though they all knew that it existed. I knew that the results would be amazing. I just didn't know how to get there.

And the night before last, at 2:00 in the morning, I woke up with a start thinking about my first coaching teacher. She had said when she made the move from her job to her coaching practice she had 6 months of expenses in the bank. I remember internally rolling my eyes and thinking, "Sure, like most people can do that. Who can have 6 months of expenses in the bank?" Sitting in my bed, staring out into the dark, I thought, do I? I ran downstairs to the computer and figured out my bare bones expenses. Then I looked at my coaching account and also the two recent tax refunds I had received. 5 months. I have 5 months of expenses.

So, what am I doing? This week I will change my status from 4-day a week staff member to 3-day contract worker. There are risks. Definitely. The most of which is that I have very specific scheduling needs. Ah, did you see how my gremlin snuck in there? I just noticed him myself. See him trying to prepare me for the reasonableness of not following through? Well, I'm not listening.

I know I can do this. I love my clients, and I know that what I do makes a difference in their lives. I know that being my own boss makes a difference in mine. The universe has consistently been there, supporting me and guiding me. This is the time to take my leap of faith.

I am so thankful for
Melba's recent post which included this quote from Charles DuBois:
The important thing is this; to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

*Note: If you're searching for your path, let me share that I found Callings by Gregg Michael Levoy and Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck to be enormously helpful.

9 comments:

Sunday Scribblings said...

Yay, Jamie! Take the plunge! I can imagine what a wonderful rapport you must have with your clients -- they're lucky to have you. I'm not totally understanding your work schedule change though: are you quitting your day job, or just dropping a day? Whatever it is, I hope it gives you the freedom you need!

Laini Taylor said...

oops (that was me.)

chest of drawers said...

Yes I agree, take the plunge! If anyone can do it you can! It sounds like there is no better time than the presnt so send that gremlin off on a holiday and go for it!

liz elayne said...

as i am awake here in the middle of the night for many reasons, i just want to say thank you for this post. this push (that you don't even know you are giving me). thank you.
good luck my dear! this is very exciting!

krista said...

5 months expenses, how amazing. You can totally do this- Congratulations! What an amazing feeling- I think that quote from Melba feel into your lap just now for a reason!

Felicity said...

North Star was helpful for me, too. Now I must go look for Calling.

Sacred Suzie said...

Way to go Jamie! This is MASSIVE! I am so happy for you that you're going to the next level towards your dream. Man, I am totally impressed. Way to go super sister!

I've ordered North Star from my library this morning BTW. :)

melba said...

I was thinking about you yesterday and I was wondering if coaching is your full time job and here you are today answering that question. Isn't that something? You heard me!
I love seeing you blossom and create the life you want, the life you are called to lead. It is so inspiring. Keep sharing...we need your story.

Alexandra S said...

I congratulate you wholeheartedly on your leap into this life that inspires you. Cutting your hours down to pursue what you really love can only be a blessing for you and all who will work with you. That Dubois quote is extraordinary. I am copying it into my journal and just want to tell you that I find your soul searching and decision to move closer to your heart's calling very inspiring. I have recently taken some back steps, and your post, your courage lets me know its all okay, that I will work my way back too in the right direction. Thanks Jamie. Best to you!