I think of them as stormy weather systems rolling in. They build in the distance. I can feel the pressure change, sense that something's coming. Soon clouds descend and I'm full on in the midst of a mood. I've made a study of this particular weather phenomenon. Here is what I've learned.
Characteristics of "The Mood"
- appearance of soul-gripping doubt
- heart-stabbing, knife-turning jealousy
- tendency to anger combined with desire to be verbally venomous
- disinterest in anything remotely resembling productivity
- complete denial of all positive indicators in favour of any and every negative sign
- patience meter reads 'empty'
- hypersensitivity to criticism
- fear, fear, fear, fear
Over time, I've discovered that storm patterns do have some key indicators. These dark days often arrive:
- when I'm not expressing myself creatively
- when something finishes
- the Tuesday before my period
- when I haven't had enough "me" time
- when I haven't had enough time with my honey
- after a disappointment
- when I'm overtired, overextended, mired in detail
- when there's something I need to say
- when I'm stuck in unending, repetitive routine
- when I'm undecided
- on the bridge
- and most often - for no discernible reason at all
I've learned that these storms are part of my own personal landscape, the natural weather patterns of Jamie.
To weather the storms I...
- Come back to routines that I know work: morning pages and journaling
- Move my body. Walks and Nia work really well for me.
- Eat vitamin-rich foods... and chocolate.
- Admit I'm in a mood.
- Talk it out.
- Indulge in a pyjama day.
- Watch a tear-inspiring movie.
- Change something.
- Let myself feel what I feel.