Ah, this week I'm pondering all the easy subjects: money, age, limiting beliefs. Actually, in a lot of ways I think age is a limiting belief. And that's why I don't tell people my age, and I don't ask people theirs. Ever. I just don't believe in it.
So imagine my surprise this week when it suddenly dawned on me that my age will show. I know, I know this isn't a revelation. We all get older. It's natural. And for the past few years I guess that's been bugging me. Maybe I won't tell my age but eventually my body will. And usually my body and I have a pretty good relationship, but that kind of made me feel betrayed.
I realize that in part it's because I have looked basically the same for a very long time. As a girl, I matured quickly. And as an adult I'm often perceived as younger than I am, mostly I think because I've got a lively spirit. But recently I look in the mirror and see that I'm changing. And to be a supergeek here it reminds me of that episode of Star Trek TNG when Deanna looks in the mirror and even though her reflection looks like her, she's terrified because she knows it's not.
There's something really weird about seeing a different me in the mirror. I've responded with panic, anger, denial, you know, all the things they say you go through. And then this week it hit me. It's going to happen. Fast or slow, sooner or later, I'm going to be older. In fact, the longer I'm blessed with life, the older I'm going to get. So it strikes me that railing against it is kind of foolish. The older I am, the more of life I've been lucky enough to experience. And hopefully that experience will help me learn how to do this aging thing gracefully.
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6 comments:
I never thought I'd 'look my age'...up through my early 40's people were always shocked when they learned my age. And then my body started catching up with the calendar. Don't get me wrong, I still think I look pretty good for somebody my age...but the facial changes are the hardest to come to grips with. That moment when you catch a glimpse of your reflection and are startled to realize that it's...you. Especially when you still feel 18 inside. :)
Oh Jamie, I think you look lovely and happy and beautiful. I see the light shining in you always. This is a very touching and brave post Jamie, I know it is especially for you Jamie. You will always be the beautiful vibrant older sister to me no matter how old we get. Oh damn, tears.
I'm with you on this one right now, thanks for sharing. I thought I wouldn't do the usual wanting to stay younger (so appreciating what age does bring), but I have to admit, I kindof liked the way I looked and felt in my body as a young person. Sometimes, I admit, I have felt like throwing something against the wall not liking the changes (sore hip, facial changes). Other times I think "I'm so over that - here's to being older!"
Have you heard of the book "You're not old until you're ninety (best to be prepared however) by Rebecca Lattimer - I haven't read it, just excerpts.. my favourite being where she says she would prefer to be over 70 than under 50 :) ... makes me very curious about being older.
oh my gosh, i find this post so interesting. mostly because i think it must be something i think about also, even if only subconsciously. like you, i have looked the same for a very long time and, like you, people often thing i'm younger than i am. since turning 30 (a year i actually had to problem with) i've started to notice how curious i've become about other women that seem to be about my age. it's recently dawned on me as well that eventually i won't be able to get away with being "any age" and that my face and body will give me away.
yes, so anyway... i hear ya. and i completely understand these feelings. they're not even necessarily good or bad feelings as the are, well...perplexing. :S
love you!
j.
btw,
your smile and those eyes are absolutely powerful. you'll be beautiful at any age! :)
I think you look gorgeous...
maybe we should focus more on being looking good in the age that we are, instead of trying to look "young". I mean, you could not PAY me enough to be 18 again... so why should I stress myself out trying to LOOK 18??
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