When I looked at this picture I knew that this was a part of accepting all of me. This is a part of my angel costume for Halloween. I was an angel, but an angel in a black dress.
People who know me will have seen me in many a black dress. I'm with Chanel on that one. So the part that feels, well, a bit uncomfortable is the (I'm whispering this now) angel part. Truth be told I've always been, well, kind of a Polyanna. (People who know me will know that too). I always look on the bright side of things. I always try to be nice. I can't lie worth a darn. A little while ago I was a bit short with a sales guy at the door and I cried afterwards I felt so bad!
And for a time in my life, this happy, shiny attitude, well, I thought it kind of sucked. You know, it's not terribly sexy. It's not edgy, cool or hip. I remember acting in a show and someone said to me, "Jamie, you're such a sunbeam." I love that, but you know, it sure doesn't scream "theatre school."
Writing this I realize how much my perspective has changed. I completely own the good girl in me. And I know that it in no way gets in the way of my hipness or sexiness. It doesn't make me less powerful or less interesting. And every day I continue to see that what really makes someone attractive, fascinating and compelling is when they are being who they truly, deeply are.
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4 comments:
That's fantastic! What a powerful post. It's so funny how we try so hard to be the people that we are not for so long. I'm so glad that you are learning to be okay with who you are. The you I've met so far I like a lot!
P.S. Who says good girls can't wear black dresses :)
Love it!!!!!!!!!! And its all true!!
Great post -- it seems that "edgy" artsy persona is a desire our younger selves want to project -- it's "cool" and all, but isn't it so much more fun to be sunny and mature and delightful? Like Chest of Drawers current post about wanting to seem like a sunflower to people. I have little patience any more for that edgy artsy persona - well, patience with it in young artists, sure, as a stage, but when it persists... I don't know. I'd rather be around sunflowers myself!
I know JUST what you mean! I've always been that good girl, and I spent a lot of time wishing that I was more artsy and dark and edgy. I wanted to be more than just the smiling girl, I wanted to be the really cool girl too. But being the smiling girl IS cool, and you've proved that by being completely awesome. I love your picture and this post. Thanks for it!
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