A Week of Balance: Danette Relic

Balance: The Dance of Choice By Danette Relic

I took one of those stability ball exercise classes where the instructor had us sit on the ball but raise our feet from the floor and let ourselves wobble around, flapping our arms and using our core muscles to balance.

Some people managed this task with great skill, and they smugly held tight to their balanced position, as though the stability ball were a giant egg they were keeping warm. I could almost hear them saying, Okay, I'm balanced. Now what? But the instructor told them something that resonates with me years later:

Balance is what happens when we are in motion.

That the act of balancing by definition requires imbalance. To be balancing is to be fluid, in motion, shifting and readjusting, going with the flow. I appreciated this suggestion as one of the people who was flapping and darting one foot down to keep from falling off my ball. If the goal was to keep moving, I was rocking that goal.

Basically, Balance is not about clinging to a perfectly equal state. Isn't that great news? I think that "Balance" has become another thing to achieve in our busy world, and as a result has created a binge and purge style of expressing balance (work like a dog, spa like a diva, eat like raccoon, cleanse like monk). I'd like to point out, that if you feel you are consciously choosing your 80 hour weeks, consciously choosing your extreme detox weekend, then that is fantastic. When I say "feel like you are consciously choosing", I mean deep down. I mean in your body, totally at peace.

Balance is all about Being at Choice.

What I hear from clients who want Balance more than anything, is that basically, they feel stuck. They want more of something in their lives, and they don't know how to move forward. They are like the women who perched on top of their stability ball and froze. Now what?

Balance is a Dance.

What would it be like to dance with Balance in your life? Suddenly there is groove, there is motion, there is beauty. Suddenly when I'm in binge and purge mode of Balance, in this place of choice, it becomes a hot, aggressive tango.

What do you See from Your Balance Cam?

What if you pulled way out to a bird's eye view of your life in Balance. What would you see? Looking at the years behind and ahead of you, do you notice seasons of focus? If your whole life was squeezed into one day, what would that look like?

Now zoom in, way in, to a single moment in a single day. Do you feel at choice? Are you dancing in this moment? Is it a lazy tap dance, a sensual modern dance, maybe a whole lot of thrusting and punching?

Put on your Dancing Shoes

It's true that you can dance anywhere, in any thing. It's also true that sometimes, a fabulous pair of flamenco shoes or fat, bouncy sneakers make all the difference in taking your dance to the next level. Maybe you're barefoot, but you really love just the right music? What I'm saying is, there certainly are ways of finding things that support you as you dance. Here are some I've heard from friends lately, that I am putting into my own life to support my dance with Balance:

• turn the computer off on Saturday. All day. Totally off.
• treat my designated Danette-Days with the same importance as I give my work days. No scheduling over, no putting off until next week.
• book time in my calendar to nurture my home, as I would any appointment with someone important
  

How do you support your dance with Balance? I'd love to hear what works for you.

Danette Relic Life Coach. Creative Self-Expressionist. Halloween Enthusiast. Danette is a life coach and self-expression enthusiast who believes that life is about knowing who you are and expressing more of who you are each day. She loves to create magical experiences for others, from intimate creativity workshops in her home studio, to the over-the-top Halloween celebrations she builds with her partner Colin. Danette loves to invite others to explore their creative selves in a safe and playful environment. Danette was a contributing writer for Carrie & Danielle and enjoys writing for her own blog, The Drawing Board. She is also in the process of writing a Harlequin Spice novel. In her workshops and her coaching, Danette is passionate about inspiring and supporting others as they create lives they love. www.danetterelic.com

A Week of Balance: Rachelle Mee-Chapman

Do Less: What the Danes taught me about finding balance.

Balance. It’s one of those words that either prompts to sigh with ease, or makes me to want to throw a book at someone’s head. When you can find it, it’s totally relieving. When you can’t, it’s maddening.

One of the reasons balance is so hard to achieve is that it’s not static. You can’t just find it and park there and never go looking for it again. Life is in flux, so your balance must constantly adjust. For example, a good yogini will tell you that balance is fluid. Small adjustments in a yoga pose are necessary to retain balance. Zen masters will tell you that life is a river with currents that carry you along. But you can’t float fluidly with the current if you are fly-fishing, water jogging, and swimming up steam simultaneously. You have to let go, and float. So how do you stay balanced and go with the flow? Maybe it’s time to Do Less.

Before I moved to Denmark, my life was a constant struggle for balance. I worked a part time job with a full time job description. Our girls were still in the high-need age, and our teenager adopted-by-affection was breaking into late adolescence with gusto. I ran a soulcare community in our home, lived with housemates, and regularly met with soulful seekers. On top of all that—or perhaps because of all that—I developed chronic migraines which I have still not been able to shake. Add to that my poor neglected husband, the house, the compulsion to do something creative, and the need to get in some exercise—and well, the days (and nights…and weekends…) were packed.

During this era I was the client of a woman who was training to be a spiritual director. I remember her asking me if I would like to put all my responsibilities on 3x5 cards so we could shuffle them around and figure out how they could all fit together. I just started to cry. I’d already tried so, so many times: endless lists, schedules, flow charts. I just couldn’t bear to try again. Unfortunately, she and I both had such over-developed protestant work ethics that the most logical solution never crossed our minds. I could Do Less.

Eventually, I got sick enough that Do Less became not just a possibility but a requirement. And in May 2007 I started the lengthy process of unlearning busyness. Moving to Denmark in February 2008 has helped a lot. Unlike the American Dream, the Danish Dream doesn’t require pulling oneself up by one’s boots straps, rugged individualism, or Donald Trump-like achievement. Danes are frequently referred to as “the happiest people on earth,” and while I don’t find this to be a particularly chipper place, I will say the people are quite relaxed. They are undeniably content . I think what the Danes have got figured out is not happiness per se, but balance. Which made me wonder, what is it about Danish culture that has contributed to this sense of balance? What lets the Danes float while the Yankees struggle? Here’s the short list so far:

Feel great about ‘good enough.’ If the American motto is “shoot for the stars” the Danish counterpart would be “aim for the middle.” The idea of being a super-achiever is almost completely foreign in Danish culture. The whole ethos here –at school, at work, and in your social life—is to do the basic requirements. There are no advanced learners programs in the schools. Working overtime is not seen as ambitious, but as dysfunctional. In fact, overachieving at school or work is frowned upon and is sometimes seen as braggardly. Danes shoot for a few quality products in a work day, rather than a rash of achievements. Doesn’t that sound refreshing?

Prioritize your home life. Danes like to be at home. Their kids aren’t enrolled in a dozen afterschool activities. They don’t run around a lot on the weekends. Everyone is home by 6pm for supper—including the primary bread winner. It’s expensive to eat out so friends and family are entertained at home, and meals are simple but made from scratch –often down to the bread and the mayo! Winters involve books and baking, and Summers mean picnics in the gardens. And when someone is sick they don’t down Theraflu and drag themselves to school or work. They stay at home until they are better. I know! What a concept! But doesn’t it sound wonderful?

Consume Less. My 15 year old wunderkind Mabel told me recently that some of her Danish friends can hang all their clothing on one wall of their bedroom. In a world where the apartments are small and closets are sometimes non-existent, people own WAY less stuff. This means they do less shopping, spend less time maintaining their gear, and waste less of their weekends cleaning up clutter. I’ve been shocked—shocked I tell you!—at how much less I shop, spend, and accumulate here. How much time did you spend in the car driving to stores this week? How much less would you have to put away in your house if you never went to Target? Seriously, right? It’s a shocker.

Travel slow. Danes have more balance in their lives because they do less. One of the reasons they do less, is it takes longer. Urban Danes travel by foot, bike, or bus. Most people I know don’t own a car. This means it takes a little longer to get from point A to point B. So you automatically have to do less in a day. Slow travel requires you to be more realistic about how long you need between appointments and tasks, makes you think twice about over-committing, and de-clutters your calendar. It also makes space for gratitude, as you walk past the sparkly, frosty lake on the way to your morning appointment. And on top of that, travel á pied or by bike doubles as your daily exercise, so you don’t have to make room for that trip to the gym. Brilliant!

These are just some of the ways my host-culture has encouraged me to Do Less, and thus helped me find more balance in my living. I’m already writing mantras in my head to cement these lessons deep into my psyche in hopes of holding on to as many of these good habits as possible when we return to States. I hope some of them trigger little “ah ha!” moments for you, offering up little solutions for the balance conundrums in your own life. My hope for you today is that you might be free enough to float down the river of your life, and that fluidity and peace would be your withmate.

Yours on the Journey,

-Rachelle

Rachelle Mee-Chapman is an alt.minister, writer, mama and American expat living in Copenhagen, Denmark. Follow her on Twitter, friend her on Facebook, and watch for her Do Less series beginning in May 1st at Magpie Girl.

A Week of Balance: Annabel Fitzsimmons

Balance

By Annabel Fitzsimmons

I like to be busy, but I love my quiet time. I thrive on being involved in collaborative projects, but I am equally driven in solo ventures. I like running with a run club, but enjoy running marathons alone. I am energized by social activities, but am lost without my meditative, silent hours. My life oscillates between busy, highly productive days and days that I spend recharging and revelling in doing nothing. As long as I can remember, I have walked a fine line in finding the balance of these two extremes in my life.

When Jamie asked me to blog about what balance means to me, I was struck by the fact that my journey to discover personal balance has informed my career, my family life, and everything in between.

What I have learned is that balance is a shifting concept. It is formless, its nature is constantly changing. Your balance one day may not be your balance the next. Or next month, or next year. I try to re-evaluate – and, if necessary, redefine – my balance on a daily basis. And balance is also extremely subjective.

In my work as a fitness and wellness professional, I have witnessed many clients striving to fulfill a prescribed idea of balance – as if there is a specific formula to follow. After all, who doesn’t want to live the most balanced life? But in my experience, following someone else’s idea of balance is a surefire way to make it more elusive.

Today, balance for me meant taking 20 minutes to journal at the end of the day and grabbing a cuddle with my husband after taking care of a sick newborn and toddler on three hours sleep. But tomorrow balance might be going out for a 5km run, pitching an article, writing a press release, teaching a couple of classes and returning all my outstanding phone calls.

Whatever the circumstances of each day, I make sure to put aside 20 minutes of time for me, to clear space for an activity that makes me happy. This allows me a bit of perspective and I can maintain an equilibirium between the things I want to do, I need to do and that I should do.

Balance. Isn’t it a great thing to explore?

Annabel Fitzsimmons is a writer, a yoga and Pilates teacher, and is the founder www.clearspaceonline.com, the premiere online resource for “living your balance”. She started the ClearSpace initiative to encourage people to put aside 20 minutes a day for themselves to do something mindful, physical or soulful.

A Week of Balance: Sunny Schlenger

Bending With the Wind

Have you ever watched high wire performers negotiate a tightrope in the wind? They use a pole to help them balance and if you keep your eye on the pole, you’ll see it tip here, and dip there – sometimes gently and sometimes dramatically as the tightrope artist endeavors to stay upright and even.

Their strategy is actually a great metaphor for living your life, because in real life there’s also wind. Certain days and even weeks are calmer than others, but eventually a gust comes by or even a gale. Sometimes a tornado. There are no “normal” days in nature, but there is balance. And balance is what you’re striving for.

I spent way too much time in my life waiting for predictable seasons and schedules. Ha ha. What I eventually learned is that there are probabilities and likelihoods but that’s as predictable as life usually gets. That doesn’t mean that you can’t plan, but that you need to be ready for those gusts and gales that suddenly appear. And as anyone familiar with the martial arts knows, the most effective strategy for dealing with an onslaught of any kind is to bend with the force in order to gain leverage.

We’re all going to be out of balance a certain percentage of the time. What’s important is to recognize that you’re being blown one way or the other, and to correct for it as soon as you’re able. Some gusts can be handled with a gentle dip the other way, while longer-lasting gales might require a more forceful correction.

If you apply this analogy to an endeavor like coaching, you might be able to identify your naturally more profitable times of the year when business is more solid and sustainable. As a professional organizer, I found that spring and fall were the seasons when people thought more about reducing clutter and creating systems and were willing to look for help. What surprised me was that new year’s, a time of the year where people are naturally thinking about new beginnings was much less of a busy time for me. The reason? Folks had spent their money over the holidays. Balance in business has a lot to do with recognizing if and how your own seasons turn.

Balance is not only about natural cycles but also ways that you can feel more in control. If kids’ school schedules are running your show during the academic year, you may need to actively schedule balance breaks so that you feel that your creative needs are being met. The same is true if you’re working and/or going to school yourself, or caring for young children or elderly relatives. Or maybe your best chance for some relief and re-calibration is to get away for awhile. Everyone’s situation is different but you do have to stay aware of what’s happening and how you feel about it.

I don’t know that anyone can maintain balance all of the time; too much of life is out of our direct control. But if you carry your pole and bend with the wind, you’ll have a much better chance of making it to the other side – confident and whole.

Sunny Schlenger is a professional organizer, author and mentor with over 30 years of experience as a pioneer in her field. She helped launch the “custom-tailored” approach to getting organized in the 90’s with her best-selling book, How To Be Organized In Spite Of Yourself, whose approach was licensed by Harvard University’s training and development program. She then took the concept of organizing to the next level by integrating it with spirituality. The result, Organizing For The Spirit was published in 2004. You can find Sunny's website here and her blog here.

Photo credit KimberlyD

A Week of Balance: Meghan Genge

“Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as bird wings."

- Rumi

When Jamie asked me to write about balance neither of us knew that I would be moving house and changing jobs when I was writing this post. If you had asked me two days ago what my take on balance was I would have laughed and showed you the little box marked, 'office' teetering precariously on top of the thirteen boxes marked, 'books.'

I never thought I was very good at balance. I tend to be extreme - afraid or brave, exercise or couch potato, all or nothing - so I had to look up 'balance' in the dictionary just to make sure I knew what it was. One definition was, 'A stable mental or psychological state,' but my favorite and the one I had to re-read several times was, 'The power or means to decide.'

Ooh.

When I was a little girl I tried gymnastics for about a minute. I wasn't very good at anything except the balance beam. Being good at that wasn't about how to manipulate your body into crazy shapes or flinging yourself blindly through the air. It was about taking deep breaths and concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other until you got to the other end. If you panicked or got too angry or frustrated, you fell. It was as simple as that.

When we seek balance, what are we really looking for? Less stress? A perfect life? A clean kitchen? All of our ducks in a row? Or should we be more honest about what we seek? Balance, it seems to me, offers us the chance to be a little bit more involved in our lives. Life is never going to be easy or less crazy. But maybe balance is the position at the middle of crazy that allows you to continue to breathe. Real balance is in our power to make good decisions about our lives.

Just like a gymnast focused on the balance beam, we need to be clear about what it is we really want and then put one foot in front of the other until we reach our goal. Breathing, focusing, getting healthy and strong, concentrating, making good decisions and getting back up when we fall off will help us get there. Balance, it seems, may not be so difficult after all - even for extreme people like me.

(Now back to the 14th box marked 'books'...)

Megg is a Canadian writer who lives and works in the UK. She believes passionately in the power of words, women and community. Completely addicted to her computer, she also believes in the power of getting off of that computer. She is very excited to announce that she, her husband and their partner have just gently launched a website to help people get a little adventure back into their lives. It can be found at: www.randomlychallenged.com and megg can be found at her blog: www.meggenge.blogspot.com.

A Week of Balance

Balance and I have had a rather strained relationship for most of my life. But recently I've been flirting with the idea. And next week, I'm throwing myself right in and spending a week with balance to see if we can find a way to love one another.

I've learned a lot about balance from some wise women in my life. I really wanted to spread their wisdom and so I have invited these 5 amazing beauties to share their insights on the topic next week:

Rachelle Mee-Chapman
Danette Relic
Sunny Schlenger
Annabel Fitzsimmons
Meghan Genge

Each of these women has inspired me in more ways than I can count. I'm sure they will do the same for you during A Week of Balance at Starshyne Productions.

In the meantime, let me leave you with my thoughts on balance from this month's News from Jamie Ridler Studios, which you can have delivered to your inbox once a month by signing up in the form on the right.

Balance Sucks
an excerpt from News from Jamie Ridler Studios

Well, that’s what I always thought. I mean, seriously, how boring is balance? Here’s where my brain has often gone when thinking about it: balance... equilibrium... stasis... stagnation... death. Who wants that? To say the least, I have had more than a little resistance to the concept.

And that resistance has often put me on a cycle that may be familiar to you, a pattern of excitement... over-activity... exhaustion... illness. Rinse. Repeat. Sickness was my body’s way of insisting on balance. I’d push too hard and she’d say, “Oh, yeah? How’s this one?” and I’d find myself out for the count.

Eventually that cycle brought me to the wonderful Diane Chung ND of The Chung Centre for Vibrant Health. I still see Diane and yes, we still talk about balance. This week she said to me, “Jamie, it’s all about dynamic balance.” (Hmm, with that adjective, maybe I could warm up to it a little) She explained that as things shift, we are consistently responding and adjusting.

That made me think about acting and the blissful intensity of being on stage, of seeking to respond honestly to the given moment instead of being stuck in a pattern or locked into a routine. And suddenly I got it. Balance is not about stagnation and death. Balance is vibrantly alive. It’s about being able to respond with agility and grace to the dynamics of the moment. It’s about being fully present and available to your life.

Present? Alive? Dynamic? I’m in. How about you?

Enjoy a Week of Balance with these wonderful guests! I'll be back for Dreamboards on May 9th! Wishcasting will take a week's break and be back May 11th.