Who Does She Think She Is: The Discussion Continues

I want to thank everyone for their thought-full, vulnerable, honest and loving comments on the post I wrote about my experience watching the documentary Who Does She Think She Is? I deeply appreciated the dialogue about art, mothers and women who are not mothers.

I have great respect for the film and for the director, Pamela T. Boll. In fact, I wanted to share with her the impact the documentary had on me, and so I emailed her my post. It was the beginning of a great dialogue. I've asked her permission to share it with you and she'll be sharing it soon with readers of the film's blog. I hope that all of us discussing the issues and sensitivities involved will bring more understanding and deeper connection to us all.

1. My post, emailed to Pamela.

2 Pamela's response:

Hello Jamie:

Thanks for writing about your response to the film. So, sorry that you felt you and your experiences were not mirrored by the film.

I don't feel that "mother" and "woman" are the same. I chose to profile mothers, because I feel that for women who have either decided, made a choice or otherwise do not have children it is a bit easier to heed one's "inner artist." Not much easier, given thousands of years of experience as the "other." Just somewhat.

I feel that women have been seen as most valuable in their role as "mother" and perhaps 'wife." So, I wanted to explore what happens when these roles, valued by "the patriarchy", society, the culture--whatever you want to call it--- came up against a woman's need to be a person in her own right.

Yours, Pamela

3. My response

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply and for sharing more about your intention. I hear you – and I’m fascinated by that last piece about patriarchy’s valued roles and a woman’s need to be a person in her own right. You know, at the screening in Toronto when the man in the audience talked about the “luxury” of art-making, I felt so deeply this aspect of the film – how could he not see that it was about our right to be ourselves?

You know, writing about the movie has been a gift. There has been really interesting and healing discussion in my community, the creative blogging community, in response to the film and the post. People have been open and discussed this divide there can be between mothers and non-mothers. You can read the comments here if you like. It seems to me there’s more discussion to come and stories to be told.

Would you give me permission to share your email with the group? I know they would be interested to hear your response.

And I want you to know that I appreciate the film and the story. I recognize its importance. In many ways this was a matter of mismatched expectations.

Thanks again for responding.

Sincerely,

Jamie

4. Pamela's response

I would love for you to post my email on your blog!

I truly truly did not intend to exclude women who are not mothers from the issues addressed in this film. I think that even if a woman is not a mother, she has a mother, her sister is a mother, her grandmother is a mother...and in that sense, it applies.

Also, I do feel that in the film, we discuss, pretty explicitly the fact that for many women for many years, the only way to even do one’s work, was to NOT have children. So, the film explores what happens when one does have children?

I feel that for women, this issue of having children or not, can be so intensely divisive and that is sad. I love having friends who are not mothers—they have a different perspective! And we need ALL of women’s experiences seen, heard, lived and sung!

Yours, Pamela

In the end, one of my big learnings (and I've shared this with Pamela) is that there is such a deep need for our stories, for all of our stories. Everyone wants to see their story, myself included. It's like Who Does She Think She Is was a life raft in the middle of an ocean of women and each of us wanted so deeply to get on.

And of course Pamela had to tell the story she was meant to tell - and it was gorgeous and important and a reminder to us all to tell our stories and to make room for each other's.

I've been deeply encouraged by the discussion, its vulnerability and its desire for inclusion. I believe that from there so much is possible. There's many more films to be made and much healing to be done.

PS Thank you to each of you who encouraged me to consider making a film. Little did you know you were watering a dream in my heart. Much love to you all!

Inspiration: Who Does She Think She Is?

About a year ago, I first saw this preview. It still brings tears to my eyes. I immediately signed up for the movie's mailing list, offered to host a viewing party at my house and couldn't wait to see it. A couple of weeks ago, I was so very excited to found out there was a Friday night screening in Toronto and a panel discussion afterwards featuring the director, Pamela Tanner Boll and Janis Wunderlich, one of the artists in the film. Of course, Shannon, the Movie Moxie, and I immediately decided to go.

When I watched the preview, what I saw was the challenges faced by women when answering the call of their inner artist. My heart stirred. My soul answered. I recognized these women. I recognized that experience in myself. I thought, this is a movie about my tribe! Yes!

But what the movie is really about is the challenges faced by mothers when answering the call of their inner artist. Now, that's a powerful issue. That's a story that needs to be told. And it's not mine.

So in watching this movie, I appreciated deeply the artists and their struggles but each moment I felt sad to be on the outside looking in, not included in something I had been looking forward to for so long. And as a feminist watching a feminist film, I was surprised to experience what felt like an underlying tone that it was not only possible but appropriate to collapse the distinction of woman/mother, as if by nature they are one and the same. That not only left me out, it pushed me out.

There is power in this movie and in the way it takes a stand for each of us being able to fully commit to our dreams and express our gifts in this world. As someone who believes in this with all of my heart, I just wish I'd been seen as one of 'us.'

Inspiration... Who Does She Think She Is

The preview for this film blew me away. It stirred my soul and deepened the direction of and my commitment to my work.

You can read more about it here. I've signed up to host a house party to show the movie. I hope you'll do the same and share the inspiration with everyone you know. Let's all be as magical, magnificent and creative as we know we are!

Inspiration... Hats Off

Thank you, Daisies, for posting this and spreading the inspiration. Thank you, Suzie, for making sure I saw it. And thanks to Mimi Wedell for being an inspiration.