For this final installment of the "All of Me" self-portraits I am looking at my mess. Yep, there it is. Undeniably mess. Undeniably mine.
I think of myself as an organized and together person. I've got a passion for lists and planning. My datebook is my friend. And yet, I look around and see reflected back to me that I also generate mess. Papers pile up. Projects stay out. Things don't have a home. It drives me crazy. I can get overwhelmed when everywhere I look there is something that needs to be done. I get sad when I feel that there isn't a home for something, like there's a piece of my life that isn't being nurtured and taken care of. And I get mad when it all just seems to get in the way! Mess really pushes my buttons!
So, how do I fall in love with my mess? How do I not only accept it but celebrate it? I'm thinking back to my Wild Woman of Toronto self-portrait last week and seeing a theme emerging. I've been thinking about mess as all the stuff I need to put order to, make sense of, get clear on, take care of, control. This leaves me feeling judgemental, driven and discouraged. But what if instead I looked for the message in the chaos? What is chaos is trying to tell me? What is dying to bust out and be heard no matter how hard I try to make it behave? What part of me doesn't want to play by the rules?
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4 comments:
i love this new way of looking at the mess. i can relate. people think of me as the super organized person because i am one of those "responsible" types. you pretty much figure that out about me right away. but i sure do know how to create a good mess. and i always feel so good when everything has its place...though i can't remember when that was (my husband would say - 3 minutes before my mom came to visit for Christmas).
to celebrate the mess...hmmm...maybe the mess is how i let go of the responsibility i feel in every other part of my life. is it the same for you?
These are though provoking questions...what is the mess trying to tell us? Maybe that we have too much going on? Maybe that we have too much stuff? Maybe that there´s a rebel - an artist -inside us that doesn´t always want to be good and organised but would rather leave some things to chance?
I can totally relate. I am the most organised person, but my art stuff is such a mess. :)
I like to have an area in most of my rooms that "contains the chaos" of my life. It's usually hidden away, a kind of "junk drawer" if you will. I believe chaos is essential part of life but it can drag you down. Most of all it makes us feel out of control. This way I at least have power over where it happens and don't have to look at it. When mess escapes these areas, it's time to get serious about organizing my life!
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