Create a Connection: Getting to Know You

I've been off the CaC ride for a while, and I miss it! So I'm diving back in with Jana's final Getting to Know You quiz. I had a lot of fun answering these. Thanks Jana!

What did YOU eat last?

Tuscan turkey & beans over brown rice

What about YOUR love life? Anyone special? Tell us about him/her!

I met my husband at a nightclub. I was absolutely not interested in meeting anyone, but there he was. He was reserved, intense and went clubbing primarily on industrial nights. He always wore black. Imagine my surprise when I got to know him and found out that he was affectionate, silly and could make me laugh until I was wheezing! The clearest thing was that he was 100% right for me.

What is it like where you live?

I live in a great city, Toronto. I heard recently that it is the most diverse city in the world. That's one of my favourite things about living here. It's also a great centre for culture with music, theatre, dance and special events going on every day of the week ranging from some of the biggest and brightest that Canada has to offer to really independent cutting-edge exporations. I've lived here a long time and there's still tons to explore!

I live in the east end, which has taken some getting used to (as you know if you've been reading this blog for a while - I'm a downtown girl at heart) Justin and I have a 2-bedroom house that's on an uber-busy street but we're close to the subway, which was absolutely key to us. We have a little yard that's been a joy to turn from a mud patch into a garden, and I'm still working on that. The one thing that we don't have that I would really love is a dining room with an uber-sparkly chandelier!

What are YOUR favorite features about yourself?

You know, I don't think I have any favourite features. I think I just love how I sum up as a whole package!

What deep thoughts have YOU been pondering upon?

I've been thinking with greatitude about the joyful and playful ways of the Universe, especially synchroncities. I've been pondering the next bold and beautiful steps for my coaching practice. I've been looking deeply in the mirror to get a good sense of who I have become.

List 2 random things YOU love about life:

I love going out for breakfast and the movies on a weekday.

I love getting the giggles with my loved ones.

How did YOU find out about CAC?

Melba, who I know and adore, sent me an email asking me to host the first month of Try Days.

What do YOU love most about spring?

Spring flowers!! They make me smile. I enjoy the sheer joy and beauty of them. And they have been a message to me at more than one time in my life that everything's going to be okay.

The Success Principles ~ Principle 4

Jack Canfield's fourth success principle is: Believe it's possible. He explains it is a function of our brain that we get what we expect, and what we expect is largely based on our past experiences. If we have often met with rejection, our brain will recognize that pattern and anticipate its repetition. If we have met with success, we expect that trend to continue. And so, it is to our advantage for our brains to anticipate our success in attaining our goals and dreams.

I have no doubt that beliefs impact results. Imagine I walk into an audition thinking "I'm not going to get the part. I never get the part." What kind of an impression would I convey? What kind of energy will I have as I begin? And a lot of us invest in believing that we're not going to succeed because we think it serves us. How often have you made or heard this comment or some variation of it, "I don't get my hopes up. It's easier for me if I don't believe it can happen. Then I'm never disappointed."

Let me be very blunt here. That's just not true. You are disappointed. You really did want that part, that job, that raise, that date. And what if that very strategy helps create your disappointment? What if believing it can happen is an important ingredient to your success? Let's not even consider the current popular argument about the laws of attraction. Instead, let's consider the very basic factor of self-confidence. How does believing it's possible affect your confidence? When you believe that you can get the job, what's different about how you show up? Not only that, when you believe it's possible, how many more opportunities do you step up to? And how much does that alone increase your opportunities for success?

Let's say you agree that believing something is possible will increase your chance of success. The next question is, how do you start believing? Do you just wake up one morning and think, "Yes, if I put my mind to it I can solve the problem of climate change!" How do we begin to believe?

This reminds me of a story that I heard as a girl that has always stuck with me. There was a king with two sons. He sent one out to find all the weeds in the kingdom and he sent the other out to find all the flowers. The first son came back railing against the ugliness of the land, demanding the caretakers be fired and holding no desire to inherit such a worthless patch of land. The second son came back full of the land's praises, inspired and moved by all the beauty and wonder he'd seen and with hopes of one day having the responsiblity to care for such a wondrous place.

What we pay attention to has so much to do with what we see and what is reinforced in our lives. So to start believing, keep your eyes open for signs of hope and of your success. For example, if you want to have an impact on climate change, notice where you already have impact, notice where you create change, notice what choices you make that contribute to the healing of the planet.

Next, when something happens that's in line with your desires and goals, take a moment to acknowledge it. Do this whether you feel responsible for the occurence or not. For example, if you open the paper and there's a job opportunity you've been dreaming about, take a minute to say thank you to the universe for putting that in your path. Or if you summoned the courage to ask for that raise, acknowedge that in your journal with "Today I had the courage to ask for a raise."

And lastly, give yourself opportunities for success. Creating sucesses for yourself will demonstrate to you the truth of that what you want is possible. If your goal is to ask someone out on a date, start with a week of asking for what you want in situations where you are likely to be successful. When you order your bagel, ask for it to be lightly toasted. When you want some time to yourself, ask that no one disturb you for an hour. Give yourself the opportunity to learn that when you ask for what you want, the answer can be yes.

Jamie's Recommendations for Increasing Belief:

• Look for proof that it's possible.
• Acknowledge fortuitious moments and successes.
• Give yourself opportunities for success.

65 things that I want...

On Monday I wrote about Jack Canfield's Success Principle #3: decide what you want. He had an exercise to write 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have and 30 things you want to do before the end of your life. I've decided to throw all of those together in a master list of things I want. I absolutely loved doing this and reading the list brings me great joy. If you decide to do one too, let me know. I'd love to see what you want.

I want...

1. To change the world
2. To live up to my potential
3. To be creatively fulfilled
4. To do deeply meaningful work
5. To have a thriving coaching practice
6. To lead powerful and dynamic workshops that are in demand and transform people's lives
7. To create life-affirming self-study programs
8. To create a series of workshops that invite people to really wake up to themselves and their lives
9. To do work that supports young people in becoming confident and authentic adults
10. To create a safe and courageous place for people to dance and be in relationship with their body
11. To dance
12. To make magic
13. To create powerfully moving multi-disciplinary performance pieces of epic human tales
14. To consistently take workshops and courses to grow and to learn
15. To read books and the newspaper, to go to the theatre, to galleries, to the movies and out to dinner
16. To explore new and interesting neighbourhoods
17. To support fellow artists through attending their shows, buying their work, creating opportunities for sharing and growth and providing encouragement and belief
18. To have strong, loving bonds with each member of my family, to know each other intimately, loving each other just as we are
19. To share this great adventure of life with my husband, growing in love and knowledge of each other every day with an astonishing balance of independence and intimacy. To keep our romance alive every day of our lives
20. To have a community of smart, creative, loving, compassionate human beings with whom I feel at ease, loved, included, inspired and authentic
21. A home that is beautiful, elegant and serene in a neighbourhood I adore
22. To live in a quiet tree-filled neighbourhood within walking distance of movie theatres, cool coffee shops, great restaurants, a bookstore, a grocery store, a garden centre, a park and the subway
23. A large private studio space with wood floors, perhaps as part of my home, where people can come for workshops, coaching and Nia. There will be space for art exploration with plenty of supplies and also room to dance, an awesome sound system and an abundance of inspiring and interesting music
24. A lush private garden that invites ease and pleases the senses. There will be lots of green and many white flowers. There will be a mock orange tree, abundant peonies in white and in pink, white lilies, hydrangeas, raspberry bushes and all the spring flowers (tulips, hyacinths, crocus and white narcissus) and an outdoor fireplace
25. A gorgeous white sunlit kitchen that has a place for everything, including an inviting spot to sit, chat and drink tea
26. An office space that is clean, spacious and uncluttered. It has a desk I adore and that suits my needs so well you'd think it was designed for me. Everything is organized, efficient and beautiful.
27. A reading nook with a big, comfy white chair and a cozy throw that is just delicious to curl up under. A sparkly lamp and a small table provide light and a space for tea.
28. An elegant dining room with a big, strong, dark wood table, lots of seating and an exquisite, sparkling chandelier.
29. A big and oh-so-comfortable well-dressed bed that invites you to climb in and feel luscious.
    
30. To always have champagne in the fridge so I am ready to celebrate at any given moment
31. A place for everything and everything in its place most of the time
32. A system that supports playing music in every room of the house
33. A state-of-the-art home entertainment system and comfy, beautiful seating for major movie viewing.
34. A well-stocked fridge and pantry full of healthy, delicious food.
35. To have as much "me time" as I need
36. To throw wonderful dinner parties
37. To host a yearly dance party in a fabulous location with a fun DJ
38. To have a party at home catered
39. To renew my driving skills
40. To beat around the city on a Vespa
41. To have regular Thai yoga massages
42. To be a regular at the spa
43. To go on yearly spa retreats
44. To pay off my student loan
45. To earn a 3-figure yearly income
46. To have strong financial investments and significant savings
47. To take a travel vacation with Justin once a year
48. To visit Suzie
49. To go to the Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain
50. To visit the Loire Valley in France
51. To go to Anse Chastanet
52. To go horseback riding
53. To go to an all-inclusive resort to relax and decompress
54. To go on a Butterfield & Robinson walking tour
55. To go on a GAP adventure
56. A gorgeous wardrobe that exquisitely expresses my style and fits both my life and my body
57. Beautiful jewellery that expresses my style - sparkly, bold, strong lines, clean, precious and semi-precious stones, very today or timeless
58. My body to be healthy, lean and luscious
59. To be fit and flexible, aglow with energy and vitality
60. All of my body systems to be functioning beautifully and all my chronic ailments to have healed
61. To have regular haircuts, manicures, pedicures and facials
62. My regular state to be joyful ease
63. To be vibrant and alive all the days of my life
64. To continue to deepen my relationship with the Universe
65. To receive guidance and support along my journey

Poetry Thursday: She is Waiting

Welcome to my audio experiment.

I`ve shared this picture before, but now you can hear me reciting the poem that goes with it by clicking on the icon below. It will take you to gabcast where you can click play and hear me.

She is Waiting
a poem

Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

The Success Principles ~ Principle #3

Principle #3 in Jack Canfield's Success Principles is Decide what you want.

One of the things I love about this principle is the use of the word "decide." Yep, you get to make it up. No one else gets to decide what you want. Not your parents, your partner, your kids, your boss, your neighbours, your classmates. You. So what are you going to choose? What is it you want?

This chapter provides some great insights into how we get out of touch with knowing what we want (I bet you know right off the bat some of the things that get in your way) and how to reconnect with our desires. Of the several exercises that Canfield offers, there are two that I'm going to explore this week. I encourage you to try them on with me and share what you discover.

The first is "When you are confronted with a choice, no matter how small or insignificant, act as if you have a preference." How often do you say, "Oh, it doesn't matter. Either one is fine"? Or when you get the served the wrong thing, do you think, "Oh, it's not worth the hassle. This is fine." In the past I have done that sort of thing with my husband and movie selection. I like a broader range of films, so I'll often let him be the driving force in making the choice. Over the past year though, I've made sure that there's times when I say, "How about we give Seducing Dr. Lewis a try?" There's definitely some things I won't ask him to watch because I know he won't enjoy it, and vice versa. But by sharing the truth about our preferences, we can expand each other's horizons. (I never thought I would have laughed at Dodgeball)

Recently I made what was for me a bold move in asking for what I want. Justin and I were out for lunch and when we were taken to our seats in the restaurant, I wasn't pleased. We were near 2 big-screen TVs, the washroom and the kitchen, and it was noisy. We sat down for a minute, and then I politely went to the hostess and requested a seat in a quieter section of the restaurant. And so we moved. It was no big deal and we enjoyed ourselves much, much more than we would have in the first seats. I couldn't believe it could be that easy.

Another powerful exercise Canfield offers is create a list of 30 things you want to do, 30 things you want to have and 30 things you'd like to do before you die. Personally, I'm not sure what the distinction between the first and the last is, so I'm going to focus on the first two.

If you decide to do the same, let me know. I'd love to hear about what you want. Oh, and remember you can wish for what you want on Wishcasting!

101 Things in 1001 Days ~ #78 Take a class with Justin & #34 Get my CPR certification

Justin & I are now both officially CPR certified. We spent the day yesterday at Heart 2 Heart in Cabbagetown, where Nick taught us the process of CPR and also how to use an AED (automated external defibrillator). It was a really amazing day. The class was highly interactive, rather entertaining (thanks, Nick) and really valuable. Leaving there we both felt really good that we'd taken the time to learn something that could make such a difference.

PS Justin's slight scowl here is because of the sunny day not because of his feelings about the class (well, maybe about the fact that it was 9:00 am on a Saturday and we hadn't had coffee yet, hehe).

Thought for a Friday

Every conversation you have is an invitation to risk revealing the real you.

Keith Ferrazzi ~ Never Eat Alone

Making It Work

Recently I've been intensely focused on my work. By that I mean what I want to contribute in this world. And I'm starting to understand that at its heart, that's what your work is. It's your contribution. It's you sharing your gifts and abilities with others. Imagine that. It's sharing. Suddenly, it's delicious.

One of my very favourite things about being my own boss is that I get to make it up. Yep, I get to create a business just like I would create anything else in my life: a party, dinner, a show. And that's a good thing because all sorts of standard business ideas just rankle me!

For example, I recently shifted my perspective on the concept of "networking." It always seemed so phony to me. Even the name seemed like a disguise for what was really "sales." And I'm not a fan of sales either. But here's the rub: how am I going to be a successful entrepreneur if I hate sales and networking?

I've replaced them with connecting and sharing.

Suddenly, yummy! This change has injected so much energy and joy into my work. Instead of strategizing about the best networking possibility (bleh), I just focus on connecting. I don't call up people that I think are good prospects in my target market. In fact, I'm not really focusing on getting clients at all. What I'm doing is creating an opportunity for discovery, magic and joy by being open to and inviting connection with others, with people that I know and love, with people that interest me, with people whose company I enjoy, with people that challenge me, people that inspire me. It's joyous and alive and full of mystery, and I love it.

And the other piece is being willing to share my gifts. This is a real shift from sales thinking. For me, sales has meant convincing someone to buy something. As a coach, I have no interest in convincing someone to work with me. If someone doesn't truly want to be coached or doesn't feel a great sense of connection with me as a coach, it doesn't make sense to work together. It is a recipe for failure. And it's for sure not going to be any fun.

But if someone's desperately wanting to be heard and aching to be who they are in the world and feeling the call to stretch out into something they really hope is possible and they want support while they take that step, I am all over that! I will show up with passionate commitment and bring every skill and tool I've got and learn new ones because nothing is more important to me than people feeling in love with themselves and their lives. I don't want to sell to someone that's not interested. And I don't want to be invisible to those people out there looking for support. I want to shine that light and say, "Over here! If you're looking for support and encouragement just come over here."

And those are 2 of the ways that I'm creating my work. How are you creating yours? I'd love to be learn from you.

Note: A part of my work is supporting people's wishes.

Wednesday is Wishcasting day, so come on over and make a wish: www.wishcasting.blogspot.com.

The Success Principles ~ Principle 2

Jack Canfield's second success principle is: Be Clear Why You're Here. This is a very short chapter on a rather large topic, but he does provide 2 helpful approaches. He suggests you look toward what brings you joy, and he provides a short "fill in the blanks" exercise to help you come up with a life purpose statement. I've done a lot of work in this area both for myself and with my clients. If this is an area you're interested in exploring, I have two books that I can recommend unreservedly: Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck and Callings by Gregg Levoy.

Getting clear on why you're here is very powerful. It can provide you with immense focus and empower you to make great decisions and set useful boundaries. It's also challenging. At least that's what I've experienced and witnessed. In my personal work coming up with a life purpose statement, I noticed that I consistently played with the words and phrasing so that it included as much as humanly possible. I didn't want to leave anything out. That often left me feeling like I was being clever but not really getting any closer to knowing my purpose.

The other thing that can feel overwhelming is believing that there's only one right answer, and it's hovering out there somewhere in the mist, waiting for you to find it. And all the time you're looking, you're in a state of anxiety wondering if it's really out there, whether you'll ever find it, and feeling incomplete without it. I'm starting to think that's a load of hooey! What's seeming more true to me is that your life purpose is that magical point where you make a decision to put the things that you're naturally drawn to at the centre of your life. That's it. Easy-peasy.

Over time, I've come to realize that certain themes in my life are consistent:

• artistic expression
• self-development
• voraciously enjoying life

That's me in a nutshell, right there. And for a life purpose statement, my current one is:

I create opportunities for discovery, magic and joy.

I'd love to hear yours. Remember, it doesn't have to be perfect or written in stone. It can just be your thoughts on your purpose from where you stand today. That's a great start.

Subway Manners

This morning on the subway, I witnessed this interaction and haven't quite been able to stop mulling it over. What do we consider to be polite?

The Scene:
Subway rush hour. Subway interior, not too crowded but almost all the seats are taken and people are standing.

The Players:
A girl, approximately 15 years old and a student
A rough-around-the-edges man in about his 40s

A tall young guy in his 20s, a bit of a toughie
A woman passsenger

The young girl is sitting in a seat with her bag and papers beside her. She looks like she's doing homework or prep for school.

The bit-rough guy says to the girl, "You should pick up your papers and let this lady sit down."

The young girl looks very uncomfortable, slightly afraid of this older man, and moves her things.

The bit-rough guy says to the woman passenger, "Go ahead. Sit down." And then reminds the young girl that she should always keep her things off the seats so that people can sit down. He explains that some people are too shy to ask for themselves.

The young girl doesn't say anything, still looking uncomfortable. The woman passenger does not say anything and does not sit down.

The tall young man says to the bit-rough guy, "What are you talking to her for? You don't need to worry about her. She can do whatever she wants. Just worry about yourself."

The bit-rough guy explains again that some people are shy about asking for the seat.

The young man more aggressively says to the guy, "She can do whatever she wants. Don't worry about her. Just worry about yourself." And gets off the subway.

At this point, so did I.

Who was the arbiter of politeness here? Was it inappropriate for the man to suggest the young girl move her things simply because he was dishevelled? If it's reasonable to do whatever you want, then why wasn't it okay for him to express his opinion? And clearly there's hypocrisy in stepping into a situation that has nothing to do with you to suggest someone worry about only themselves. And at the root what concerned me most deeply was the belief that what is appropriate is worrying about yourself.

What do you think?

Wednesday is Wishcasting Day

Come on over to Wishcasting and make a wish.

The Success Principles ~ Principle 1

A while ago I read The Success Principles by Jack Canfield on the recommendation of a client. I thought it offered a lot of solid, practical, positive advice, some of which I've taken to heart. I've recently thought that I'd like to spend a week with each of the principles (there are 64). Of course, I'd also like to spend each week with a Nia principle and also a coaching skill. That might be a bit ambitious but it seems like a fun triad to play with.

The first of the success principles is take 100% responsibility for your life. In this context that means giving up excuses, blaming and complaining. If you want things to change, the change starts with you. "If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll keep on getting what you've always got."

I believe it. I believe that taking responsibility for your life is a key to self-esteem and empowerment and is the way to create the life you want to be living. However in this book and elsewhere being 100% responsible for your life is equated with 100% creating your life. This belief is currently circulating widely and with great enthusiasm with the popularity of The Secret and the belief that we create our reality with our thoughts, our intentions, our focus and our choices. My view is that these 2 things are not the same and that the difference is significant.

I do not believe that we create everything that happens in our life. I do, however, believe that it's up to us to deal with whatever it is that shows up in our life - things we've created and otherwise - and that is my personal definition of being 100% responsible.

So, for example, when I was a girl, I had a younger brother who developed a brain tumour and passed away. In no way, shape or form do I believe that he created that experience for himself (or for the rest of us, for that matter). However, I do believe that once that tumour showed up, it became a part of my little brother's life and as such, his responsibility. Sadly, nobody could take that burden from him.

I believe that we are each 100% responsible for our life. We may try to run the other way. We may numb ourselves with drink or food or TV or any number of things. But in our hearts we know that our life is standing there in the corner, waiting for us to take care of it because only we can. And when we do, we discover our strength, our courage, our depth and our heart. We are the caretakers of our precious lives. And we are the beneficiaries of the kind of care we give.

Getting to Know You

Better late than never, right? I really wanted to participate in the last of Swampgrrl's wonderful Getting to Know You prompts for Create a Connection.

1a. What is one thing about your body that you hate, deny, talk trash about?

The tightness of my hip joints.

1b. What can you do to make friends with this part and show it a little love?

Forgive them. Heal them. Accept them.

2a. What is one thing about your home that doesn't feel good?

The previous owner's front of house paint colour choices - peach and green

2b. What is one thing you can do to change that?

We've put aside money to change that in the spring - yahoo!

3a. Is there a relationship that you have difficulty with?

Yes.

3b. What is something small you can do to either salvage it or come to terms with the way it is now?

Take baby steps in communicating. Speak my truth consistently. Be gentle with myself as I take these vulnerable steps.

4a. Is there something you are afraid to do, but would like to try it?

Driving again. I have my licence but haven't driven for years. In Toronto, there isn't that much need. But sometimes it would be great to get away for a weekend or actually buy that amazing chair at the auction and be able to bring it home.

4b. What can you do to begin a plan to try it?

My intention is to take a refresher course, probably in spring/summer 2008.

Winter Storm

Today in Toronto it's all about the weather. We are in the midst of our biggest winter storm of the year. The snow was crazy! I'm glad to be home and cozy. Wherever you are, I hope you're cozy too.