101 Things in 1001 Days ~ #56 Participate in a Spiritual Ritual

When I wrote this on my 101 List, I wasn't really sure what it was that I was going to participate in. I just knew that ritual is very important to me. I am a highly kinesthetic person and actually doing something to mark an occasion, an event, a transition is very important to me. Then last month Suzie wrote about how much she enjoyed some meditation cds by Mary Marzo and that Mary is in Toronto. I checked out her website and saw that she was offering a workshop for Samhain and promptly signed up, hoping that this was going to be what I was looking for.

Oh, it was. And more.

What a beautiful experience it is to be in a room with like-minded women, to feel safe with people you have never met before. It was a magical evening filled with light and dark, as is appropriate on this holiday. It was a time to let go of what was no longer needed or wanted and to make space for the new, to plant intentions in the cleared field of your spirit. It was intense, it was beautiful and it was magic.

The evening involved a guided meditation, one that touched me deeply. In my meditation, I was blessed to meet an old woman, a grandmother, my grandmother, all of our grandmothers. I rushed to her and put my head in her lap like a little girl. She stroked my hair and told me that I am not alone. I am never alone. And somehow I knew this was true. And I really needed to hear it. Recently, as I've faced the challenges involved with starting my own business, I've sometimes been shut down. There's been a lot going on inside me as I take this leap into my own venture. In many ways it feels like all the awkwardness of moving from teenage years into adulthood. And at times I've felt very alone, existentially alone.

And yet, I have a beautiful support system. I have a family that loves me and believes in me, that generously gives me feedback and advice whenever I need it. I have friends and colleagues whose kind ears and wisdom are shared readily. I have a blogging community that's full of life and wisdom and creative women out there making things happen. But now I know that even when I am alone in a room with the computer or the page and struggling, trying to make strong plans and good decisions, I am never alone. I have the wisdom of all grandmothers with me. I have their strength and their kindness. I have their humour and their magic. It is always with me. And with it, I can do anything. And so can you.

Inspired

The other day I was walking down the street and was suddenly inspired. A while ago I had decided to expand my visual vocabulary and had chosen a few specific items to work on, including "bird." This week I came across the most beautiful picture of a falcon, a bird which has captured my imagination ever since I was a girl.

I wanted to engage with the shape, and I wanted to do so in a way that was really unintimidating to me. So it occurred to me to cut and collage, which I love to do and find completely Jamie-friendly. I still remember my Mom teaching me little tricks about cutting when I was just wee, like to cut around the shape generally and then to work on the finer details.

So I spent a part of my evening listening to music and cutting and pasting and enjoying the shape and beauty of the falcon. I was mesmerized. The only thing that would sometimes break me out of my reverie was when I would notice that I liked something I'd done and get paranoid that I was going to wreck it. But the beautiful thing is once I've got the form, I can make a bazillion of these if I like, trying new things, new colours, new ideas and not worrying about getting it right. What a treat.

Reading ~ Getting Things Done

Based on Shannon's recommendation, one of the books I'm currently reading is Getting Things Done by David Allen. Now, I know that everyone doesn't get all excited about organization stuff like I do, but man, oh, man, I love it! From the time I was a little kid, I loved things like sorting. You know, dumping things out into one big pile and then sorting it by colour or size or tastiness. I've always loved making order out of chaos, making sense out of gobbledygook. I used to ride my bike as far as I could, trying to get lost, so that I could have the adventure of finding my way back home.

One of the things that really appealled to me about this book is that at the heart of it is the belief that if you capture all of your "to dos" in a system that you trust, you don't have to keep it in your brain! I want to liberate my brain! I had an impulse to do this quite a while ago. I was feeling overwhelmed and decided to just write out everything I could possibly think of that I had to do just to get it out of my head, so I could feel some empty space in there for thoughts to rattle around in. That's one of the reasons why morning pages and journalling are good for me; they clear my busy brain!

At the front end of the Allen's system there's a fair amount of work but some of it involves sorting and labelling and making lists - mmm, yummy. And right now by the look of my desk:

I could really use it. Now, I'm sharing this mess with you because I want to be able to celebrate with you when it looks all pretty and ordered. Celebrating is very motivating to me :) Hey, I guess I could have used that as my flawed self for SPC, hehe.

True Balance ~ Fourth Chakra ~ Impressions

Shannon has come up with a great way to relate to the chakras by doing free association with the words that Sonia Choquette uses to describe them. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm going to try out the exercise to connect with the Heart Chakra.

• Empathy: World Peace
• Generosity: Spirit
• Compassion: Forgiveness
• Forgiveness: Awaited
• Nurturing: Angel
• Understanding: Depth
• Listening: Aura
• Acceptance: Total
• Tolerance: What are you tolerating?
• Affection: Kisses
• Kindness: Mom
• Patience: Water
• Laughter: Grandma

Wow, some of those really came out of left field for me. I felt a little softness around my heart when doing that exercise, like some unexpected feelings got gently tickled and stirred. Thanks for your creative self, Shannon!

The Auction

Well, I know it's October when it's time for "The Auction." This has become a big and important family event in our lives. As Shannon pointed out, she's been going for around 20 years! I haven't been going quite as long. It often seems to take me a little longer to catch onto the fun. And of course, it's always more fun when Suzie can be there too. We missed you, Suzie!

This year was a brisk, clear October day and with empty backpack on hand, change purse loaded with quarters, loonies and toonies (even the names of Canadian money are fun), we were set to go. Oh, actually, once we had all that and picked up coffee we were set to go. The treats start right away because we meet up in front of Cinnabon, and that's the one time of year that I indulge in that particular evil sugary delight! But Mom also brought us a nutritious treat of honey crisp apples - yum! This is her doling them out on the bus.


One of the things I always look forward to at the auction is this fabulous red bush that lets you know you're there. This year we could see it all the way down the street.

The auction consists of a flea markety stuff, a clothing sale, books, a tea room, baked goods, all sorts of good stuff, including hamburgers with fried mushrooms. I almost always come home with glassware of some kind, but this year my main purchase was clothes. After the auction proper they tend to drop the prices of everything. So my best buys came from filling a bag with clothing for $2! Great stuff and fun too :)

This is the auction itself. My mom's got much better pictures because she's not as shy about taking pictures of people. I'm still kind of kicking myself for not going higher on these two fabulously girly tables that were up for auction. But I am absolutely thrilled by the framed Emily Carr print that I got:

And surely the title of this piece is as beautiful as the painting itself, Scorned as Timber, Beloved of the Sky.

Indigo Girls in Toronto

I had the great fortune of attending the Indigo Girls at Massey Hall in Toronto last night! As always it was a concert that made me sing, laugh and cry. It filled me with joy and hope and passion. But there was also a lot unusual about the night. We were off to a rocky start because Shannon and I were supposed to go together (as we always do for the Indigo Girls) but unfortunately she's been really under the weather and just couldn't make it. So my husband was enlisted to keep me company. He was supportive and polite but a little less than enthusiastic when we set out.

The opening band was Three5Human, a rock band from Atlanta, and they could rock. Their lead singer, Trina Meade, has this smoky, rich and powerful voice and a presence that shook the house and yet she remained incredibly endearing. It must have been those funky ponytails. While they were rocking up a storm, a pillar of smoke went up beside the drummer. Everyone was like, yeah, check out the effects. And then there were flames. And then the drumming stopped, and the entire band moved away from a fire! What was really disconcerting was the suspended moment in time, the long stretch of quiet when nothing happened, with no one running out to attend to the fire. Finally the flames were extinguished and so was the band's set.

And then the Indigo Girls. What can I even say. They're the one band I will always, always go see. At the end of the night even Justin said he had a great time. He said they were awesome performers, and he could see why they had such loyal fans. And that's why I was so sad that the hall was not nearly as packed as I expected it to be. For a while I had two rows of space in front of me, which was awesome for my view but left me feeling a little lonely when I was belting out Closer to Fine at the top of my lungs. (I bet Suzie even heard me!) Still, the people who were there were 100% with the Girls, dancing in the aisles and singing along. One group of four up front had even created a new dance for the chorus of Pendulum Swinger, a song off their new album, Despite our Differences. I just saw this video for one of their new songs, Little Perennials, which I just love.

And the saddest moment, which turned into the most poignant, occurred in the midst of a heartfelt encore. First they played Tether, which is one of my personal favs, so I was thrilled. Then as they were about to play their final song, it turned out that Massey Hall had strict regulations that all concerts must end at 11:00, and it was already 11:04! They weren't permitted to finish! Amy said it was the first time in 10 years that they had not finished a concert with Galileo. I wish with all my heart they could have heard what we did when we were walking down the stairs of the building, fans voices lifted in song:

Galileo (excerpt)
Indigo Girls, words and music Emily Saliers.

Galileo's head was on the block
the crime was looking up for truth
and as the bombshells of my daily fears explode
I try to trace them to my youth

And then you had to bring up reincarnation
over a couple of beers the other night
and now I'm serving time for mistakes
made by another in another lifetime

How long till my soul gets it right
can any human being ever reach that kind of light
I call on the resting soul of Galileo
king of night vision, king of insight...

(The picture that begins this post is from the cover of the Indigo Girls new album, Despite Our Differences)

True Balance ~ Fourth Chakra ~ The Look of Love

We have moved onto the the heart chakra in our True Balance study. I've only read the first little bit, but it got me thinking about love (which is always a good thing). Sonia Choquette describes love this way, "Love, as opposed to sensuality or sexuality, is a quiet and contemplative energy." I disagree. I think that's one colour of love, but there are so many others. Sometimes I am just bursting with love, running with love, exploding with love! In my heart, love isn't always gentle.

What love feels like to me:

• the playful energy of a burbling stream
• the all-encompassing warmth of a bonfire
• the satisfying sweetness of homemade caramel
• big, enthusiastic hugs
• the bursting beauty of fireworks
• explosions of giggles and laughter
• sparkling eyes just eating you up
• the strength of a grip that will not let you fall
• the safeness of someone sitting with you when your world is falling apart
• the comfort and familiarity of a cozy sweater
• the solid foundations of loyalty
• the fierceness of someone expecting the best for you and from you
• the tenderness of your hair being stroked when you're crying
• the way you feel at home in the kitchen at night with the light on above the stove

What does love feel like to you?

True Balance ~ Third Chakra ~ Shine

As our study of the third chakra comes to a close, I continue to be stumped by my reaction to it. Maybe it's because I'm a little shaken in this chakra right now, and I find that in itself unnerving. For most of my life, I've had a very good sense of who I am, a sense of my tastes, my passions, my ideals, and I've known my own mind. I did lose my way during that first big love relationship (I am sure many of you can relate). And when I found my way back to me, I felt confident that I would never go through that painful disconnect with myself again. But now as I turn my focus to issues of identity, sovereignty, personality, I realize how deeply in transition I am.

In stepping out into my new life as a coach and an independent, self-employed woman, I didn't realize how different I would feel in this new terrain. The most significant thing is that I'm moving from the learning stage to the doing. I've been coaching for years now and loving it, but there is something entirely different when you make that leap. It is empowering. It is terrifying. It is that wide open playing field where the next move is whatever move you decide to make. And now as I see myself repeatedly looking at courses I could take, I have to check myself and see why I'm doing it. I have a passion for lifelong learning. I am committed to constantly growing and expanding both in my fields and as a person. But I also know that I feel very comfortable as a student. And retreating to the land of learning may also feel like a security blanket during this fragile, growing time.

In many ways I'm redefining myself. I'm growing into a new skin, a bigger me. And dangit, it feels damn uncomfortable sometimes, even lots of the time. But I am committed to this process. I am committed to sharing my gifts with all my heart and rising to the challenge of being all that I can be in this world. And every day I'm figuring out exactly what that looks like. Maybe I will see better by the light of this bright shining yellow chakra.

What I've been up to ~ Fun!

It was a long weekend for Thanksgiving here in Canada and the weather was divine in Toronto - clear skies, warm temps with just a little fall briskness. And wow, we made the most of it. On Saturday Justin and I went on another city adventure, this time to High Park. I can't believe that neither of us had ever been to this beautiful green space in the city. We walked for hours and saw ducks, swans, geese and even a couple of the world's largest rodents:

Now, he wasn't just wandering around. Thank goodness because that would have freaked me out! They have a little zoo in the park. This guy actually kind of freaked me out even behind a fence. He's the size of a small dog.

Another treat was that they have a restaurant where we stopped for lunch, allowing me to hit 7/10 on #33 in my 101 List, Go to 10 new restaurants.

And on Sunday we celebrated Thanksgiving at Shannon's.

The meal was delish and the table full of colour. The mood was celebratory and wonderfully relaxed. Because the beautiful light was streaming in and making it toasty, Mom and I borrowed t-shirts from Shannon. How cool is it that our mom spent Thanksgiving wearing an anarchy T! Mom rules!

And then to top it all off, yesterday Shannon and I went to the KT Tunstall concert at the Danforth Music Hall. It was awesome! If you haven't heard her music, give her a listen. Now, I can't take credit for this picture. I didn't want to take a chance that they wouldn't let cameras in. It's from her website, which you can check out here.

So a great weekend full of fun, beauty, inspiration and great company!

True Balance ~ Solar Plexus Chakra ~ Plugging In

I'm having a bit of trouble connecting with this chapter, and I'm not sure why. It's a bit odd because the third chakra, which resides in the solar plexus in all its intense, sunny, yellow glory, is all about things like identity, authenticity, courage, self-confidence, action ~ things that I find compelling and exciting. It's about who you are and how you express that in the world. This is important stuff. In fact, from my perspective, being who you are is the most important job you have on the planet!

So why the hesitation, the lack of connection?

Admittedly, I have only read about half the chapter at this point, so that could be part of it. But I think it mostly has to do with the focus. So far the focus has been around how we may have lost our power. Sonia Choquette talks about having clear boundaries and taking responsibility for our lives. Of course this is incredibly important. But writing this, I guess the question that comes to me is, "In service of what?"

What would our lives be like if we were fully authentic and sharing who we are with the world? If our gifts flowed freely out of this centre to comingle with the gifts of others? What would it be like to shine brightly and freely and have that celebrated? What would it be like to be able to say no to what wasn't for us without guilt and embrace with a passionate yes all that fed our souls? Now that's yummy.

It seems that to connect to the chakra, I need first to sense its unique juice, the vibrant energy that it contributes to each of our spirits. I need to know why it matters, why it's important. When I can somehow imagine its power in my life, I feel empowered by things like being clear about my boundaries and getting into action.

Self-Portrait Challenge ~ Flawed

This month's self-portrait challenge is about revealing your imperfections, sharing your flaws. I thought about what to share on this topic for days. I wondered if I could show you my teeth or my baby toe (which still might make an appearance) or my mess or all the things that need to be done in our house. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't find the courage. And in fact, just thinking about my self in this way was really making me sad. I felt like I was looking for things to dislike instead of finding ways to love my idiosyncracies.

Sharing my flaws is not one of my strong points. I remember the moment when my husband first made me feel safe enough to share with him my vulnerability. I did, and he still liked me. This was a whole new experience for me. It changed my life.

And so I'm a newb at sharing my flaws. And recently, I've been feeling a bit vulnerable, a bit fragile. So here's me. Absent from my self-portrait. Not sharing my flaws. At first I thought I was showing you my lack of courage. Now I think I'm showing you my boundaries.

See more self-portraits here.

True Balance ~ Sacral Chakra ~ Final Thoughts

I've had some great chakra-spiration lately. Shannon's orange collage inspired me to create one too! And thanks to Beansprout, I attended a Chakra workshop yesterday that was quite interesting. Of course it was Chakra and Yoga and I'm a complete newb, but that's okay. One thing I hadn't heard before is the association of the chakras with the elements. Not surprisingly, the root chakra is associated with earth. The sacral chakra is associated with water (which I did find surprising) and the third chakra, which we're about to move into, is associated with fire. An interesting thing the instructor did was to also tie this to the elements that appear most or least often in your astrological chart to see what elements need stimulating or balancing.

Chakra Quizzes

There's an interesting chakra quiz on Tickle, if you'd like to check in with how yours are doing. It is a bit frustrating to go through the rigamarole to get to the final report, but I did find it interesting when I got there. And remember, it will fluctuate depending on what's going on in your life, so take it whenever you feel you want to check in with your chakras.

Quicker and easier is the chakra quiz on Eclectic Energies. Enjoy!

Over and Under Active Chakras

I think it's really important to note that your chakras can be out of balance not only by being sludgy and slow, needing clearing and stimulation. They can also be out of balance by being overactive, spinning wildly and throwing things out of whack and needing to slow down. True Balance talks a bit about this in terms of addiction and over-indulgence in this chapter.

Gender

Suzie's recent post about being a woman who has chosen not to be a mother really sparked an a-ha moment for me. The sacral chakra is where your sexual identity exists. This is where woman-ness exits. If I was going to do further study in this chakra, I would definitely spend time thinking about what being a woman means to me. And for me, as with Suzie, it does not mean being a mother.

And speaking of gender...

This chapter is the first time when I had a negative reaction to anything in the book. When Sonia Choquette talked about play, which is one of my very favourite subjects, I just couldn't believe that she broke down play activities by gender. Apparently as a woman, I don't play by going camping. I'd be much better off going to the makeup counter! Luckily though both men and women can enjoy going for a walk. Thank goodness, otherwise how would men and women ever have fun together? I just couldn't believe that a book written in 2000 would suggest such a thing.

Affirmation

On a more positive note, I'll bid this delicious chakra adieu for now with this sacral affirmation from Healing Touch Yoga:

"I am a sensuous being that flows with the rhythms of life. I celebrate the creative exchange of sexual energy in the universe. I honor the union and integration of the masculine and feminine principles as I recognize and integrate these principles within myself. I give and receive freely from the wellspring of life. I am creative and have happy relationships. I accept my emotional nature, my need for pleasure and nurturing."