Wardrobe Warrior

I'm feeling inspired and motivated to finally, finally attack that peril-fraught cave called "The Closet." Everyone's closet contains their own collections of dragons and monsters. Mine include those that go by the names of "Size 7" and "Club Girl" and "Nostalgia." These particular dragons are hard to rid myself of because I still look on them with love and longing. The danger is that I could end up transfixed, gazing at a reflection of what once was instead of experiencing what is. It's time to air out this musty cave and breathe some life back into it. It's time for a new vision.

I love clothes. I love old-fashioned glamour and grace. I love having an opportunity to dress up. I think it's half the reason I used to love clubbing. What I choose to wear has always been strongly tied to my vision of myself and my life. When it comes time to revision and revitalize, I often consider what clothes that includes. I know there are probably people that will react to that thinking it is so superficial. I disagree.

Clothing isn't neutral. It makes a statement to the world and to yourself about how you feel and who you believe you are. Colours and textures have energy. They contribute to how we feel and respond to things every day. We know this about art. Why would we doubt it about clothing? I feel like we have this spirit inside of us that's sparkling and radiating energy. When we wear clothes that are right for us, that energy is transmitted freely and shared with the world. When we wear clothes that don't fit our bodies or our person, we dampen the signal, feel muddled and hidden. Sometimes in our lives, we want to hide and that's often what's going on when we choose things that turn down the volume on our spirits. Some people need to feel safe in order to be seen. Some people need to find their courage. Some people need to tune in and find their signal and understand it better in order to express it.

And I do want to acknowledge that the fashion industry is often more of a foe than a friend in this arena. Many of us find it almost impossible to go to a store and see our magnificent selves reflecting back at us. The fashion industry lets us down when they don't celebrate a variety of styles and sizes and tastes. And I salute all those creative people who have sewn their own clothes or revisioned old ones, turning what's out there into raw materials for their genius. And I hope that in the greater creative community there will be subversive fashion designers helping all people shine.

For me, my life is changing, and I've been changing with it. Part of getting to know the new me is figuring out what I like to wear here and now. For this, I turn to a technique I've been using since I was 15 years old. I indulge in fashion magazines, and I tear out anything that strikes my fancy. After gathering a strong sample, I look for clues. What are the trends? What do I consistently look for? What's the theme? If I had to title this collection, what would it be? Looking at my recent pics (above and below) I notice, as usual, lots of black, lots of glamour, plus simplicity and elegance. There's also sexiness and drama. For some reason the words "old world" keeps coming to me too.

So when I've cleared out the cave, I'll brave the stores. I've already done one scouting mission. I was attacked by oodles of 80's throwbacks, but I'm holding out hope. I've got some leads and have some ideas. This is my mission for August. I hope to share with you my success!

Self-Portrait Challenge ~ Me as My Own Boss

This is me at work. Notice that I am not in an office. This was the most awesome day. On a day that I work at my "day job," I had a telephone meeting booked with an organization that I will be doing some coaching for. So I took myself out to a closeby park area. At 10:00 in the morning, it was almost deserted. There were beautiful gardens all around, and the weather was extraordinary. I couldn't stop smiling. I thought, yes, these are what my days are like when I'm my own boss! I love it.

#21 Create and Fill an Art Journal & #36 Create and keep a spell/prayer/magic book

I am so excited that I put these activities on my 101 List and have learned so much from doing them. I should confess that I combined these two activities. If you're anything like me, you have about 5 to 7 different journals for different purposes, probably some more empty journals waiting in the wings and you still lust after pretty blank books you see in the store. I had one book for things I was grateful for, one for things that made me happy, one for ideas, one for self-development exercises and most recently, one for wishes. I was feeling a little overwhelmed and very fragmented. I decided to keep everything in one place.

With the art journal, one of the promises I made to myself was to not take myself too seriously and to just try stuff. I have had the most fun just painting pages and pages of backgrounds. I tried different things. I tried watercolour inks. I tried acrylics. I tried gesso with watercolour ink added to it (my favourite). I tried crayons. I tried pastels. I tried collage. I tried little kid paint. I tried gel medium. I tried gel medium tinted with ink. I tried sparkle glue. I glued in a page from a magazine that I thought was beautiful and wrote all over it. If I loved doing something I did page after page after page of it.

I dedicated 2 pages to each day. Often I had a picture on the right and writing on the left. If something caught my eye, it went in the book for that day. On this page above, the beautiful, intense red seeds at the top right were picked up when I walked home the day that public transit was on strike. If I had a souvenir from the day, like a train ticket or a postcard, I pasted it in.

Then every day I wrote the highlights. What was the one thing I wanted to remember from that day? What was my favourite part? I didn't go crazy with detail just "Highlight: discovering black olives are delicious in spaghetti sauce." I also wrote what I'd like to acknowledge that I accomplished that day. Sometimes it was as dramatic as "I handed in my resignation," and somedays it was "I did my laundry." And I wrote some things that I was grateful for, "I am thankful for pink sparkle glue. I am thankful for raspberries for breakfast."

And then, the wishes. This is the spell/prayer/magic part. Every day in my art journal I confide in the universe what I'd really like. I decided not to put any limits on what I asked for. Every day it might be different. I could ask for something big or something small. I could ask for 10 things, or I could ask for one. I would write it in my journal and then let it go, trusting that the universe had listened and would see what she could do. And when it shows up, I make sure to say thank you in my book too.

I also tried to leave judgement at the door, noticing when suddenly I thought maybe I was asking for too much or troubling the universe about trivial things. I just decided to go ahead, be honest about what I wanted and ask away. So yes, I want a thriving practice that fulfills me personally and financially, I want for my loved ones to be healthy and happy, and I want white dishes* and for my tummy to feel better. It felt great to just allow myself to want what I want and to let that be okay.

So tomorrow, a new journal begins. I've decided to try a bigger format, which intimidates me a bit but also frees me up. I can always decide to only use half a page if it's just that kind of a day and 5 pages if it's that kind. I'm learning about myself as a person and as a creative being. I'm experimenting with and learning about art stuff. And I'm enjoying every minute!

Luxury

This is a picture of my husband and I on our honeymoon. This was truly the most luxurious experience I had ever had. We went to the Dominican Republic and stayed in a beautiful resort. We were inspired to stay there after seeing a picture of their honeymoon suite online. As for the suite though, when we went to the travel agent, she called and it was booked. We were heartbroken. I said to her, "You have to see what it looked like," and pulled a printout from my wedding book to show her. She looked at it and at us and said, "You have to have that room." She got on the phone and started pulling in favours and connections and thanks to her we enjoyed our honeymoon in a 2-level suite overlooking the beach that had marble floors, a 4-poster bed and a jacuzzi. Sweet!

And why am I thinking about this? I've been kind of working the The Artist Way at Work and this week one of the assignments was to list 10 things under $20 that you really enjoy. Then, give yourself a treat every day for a week! I love this assignment! Here are my 10. What would yours be?

Jamie's 10 Luxuries under $20

1. Water therapies at the spa (okay, it's over 20 with tax, but I'm counting it!)
2. A movie matinee on a weekday
3. Coffee and a cookie at a coffee shop with a journal and/or a good book
4. Glam sunglasses (I'm a good shopper)
5. Raspberries
6. Beautiful notecards
7. Going out for lunch
8. Flowers
9. Nia class
10. Earrings

And support from your blogging friends: Priceless!

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and encouragement about leaving my job and striking out on my path to my dreams. It means so much to me and fills me with joy and confidence. And thank you Meg for supporting me on your post. I truly appreciate it.

Visual Vocabulary

#21 on my 101 Things in 1001 Days list is to create and complete an art journal. I have absolutely loved doing this and will write more about the experience later. But this week I had a sudden a-ha. Sometimes when I sit down with my art journal, I think, "Okay, Jamie, draw something, paint something, anything," and I *blink blink* stare *blink blink* at the journal.

Now, with words it's another story. I can always find something to say. I can just put word upon word upon word on the page without hesitation. So what's the difference? It occurred to me that it's the fact that I've been expressing myself with words since I was, what, a year old? Now, that's a fair stretch of time now. No wonder I'm at ease with words.

But images? I've always appreciated them. I've always taken note of them. But it sure isn't that long that I've been trying to create them, at least not on a page. This revelation led me to thinking how I learned words and whether I could use the same approach to expand my visual vocabulary.

I let my mind wander until it came across 5 visual images which for whatever reason attract it right now. My plan is to seek out these images and pay attention to them. Once we feel comfortable with each other, I'll play with them and see what happens. I'm not setting myself a timeline. I'm thinking of this as a relationship I'm building and trust that I'll know when it's time to move on. I'll let you know what I learn!

Jamie's Visual Vocabulary

1. Star
2. Bird
3. Clown
4. Clock
5. Sphere

Appreciating Week 28

What a week this has been. The pivotal moment of the week was my resignation. I have always said that when that day came, I would be opening up space and time for what I truly love. And miraculously, things I love have started showing up. Thank you, universe!


Sunday: Another big step on #88 on my 101 Things in 1001 Days list: get window coverings for the kitchen. These blinds are bought and 1 of 3 are now up. Progress! We love the clean line and the way they soften the light that comes into the room. We don't love that IKEA put warning labels about the chain directly on the bottom bar with the strongest glue in the world!

Monday: I ordered these books from Amazon.ca what feels like a million years ago. As I had decided to quit, I thought, hmm, I should really cancel that order because it would be wise to be a little bit careful with money during this transition period. And before I could, bam, they finally arrived. Coincidence that creative inspiration arrived on the day I wrote my resignation letter? I don't think so.

The books are The Complete Guide to Altered Imagery: Mixed Media Techniques for Collage, Altered Books, Artists Journals and More by Karen Michel, Artists' Journals and Sketchbooks: Exploring and Creating Personal Pages by Lynne Perrella and Living Out Loud: Activities to Fuel a Creative Life by Keri Smith

Tuesday: My Nia teacher is running a workshop on learning a particular routine, and I've decided to take it. That meant I had to order the routine that she'll be working with and it arrived on the day I quit.

Wednesday: Justin and I went out to the movies and saw Superman Returns. I didn't think it was great, in fact sometimes it was rather dull (particularly with the villains, which is a bit odd), but ultimately it still touched me. It took me a while to warm up to the new Superman, but I did. And in a new way I understood the power of being rescued.

Thursday: Now one thing that was certainly not dull this week is So You Think You Can Dance. This is a recent discovery for me, and when I watch it, man, they can probably hear me cheering, laughing, shouting down the street. It reminds me of when my dad used to watch hockey games. The only thing I don't enjoy about this show is that during the auditions there was a lot of spirit-crushing criticism, and I just don't believe that is ever necessary. Ever. But other than that, I enjoy the way it showcases choreographers, shows a broad range of dance styles and they dancers are outstanding! I was truly sad about the man they cut this evening.

Friday: And I have 2 pictures for Friday. At lunch it was a real treat for me to go out for a meal with friends, including my friend's darling baby girl. Isn't she sweet? She sat with me for quite a while, good as gold. I should have asked someone to take a picture of that!

And Shannon and I couldn't quite believe our eyes as we were walking down the street and passed a Pita Pit and saw this colourful fella in the window. I'm guessing he's not really allowed to be in there, but he showed no shame and posed for this pic.

What a great week!

Freedom!

Hmm... are you feeling that this picture and the post's title don't go together? Me too - that's why I quit! That letter with the blue star on it is my resignation, which I handed in yesterday. Though I may continue to do freelance work for this company, I will no longer be an employee as of August 15. At which point, I will be able to turn my full attention to the work I love - helping people create a life they really want to be living! And that includes me :)

Self-portrait Challenge ~ Me as a Doll

I can't begin to describe the amount of fun that I've had playing with dolls at sites like eLouai, which is where I made this particular doll. It reminded me of when I was a girl and I used to play with my Barbies. I never acted out stories or activities. It was all about trying on the clothes. Sometimes I designed their homes, creating new layouts and finding new uses for things around our house to create an extravagent, luxurious, gorgeous decor. I still have the little TV I made out of a box lid, a small envelope and a cutout of a comic.

The fun thing about making yourself into a doll is that it's kind of an exercise in how you see yourself and/or how you want to see yourself. When I look at this doll I know it's true that my hair is black, I wear ponytails and black shirts and I have a cuff (but mine's sparkly). I like to be hip but comfortable. I love to be able to move in what I wear. But what else does it say? That if I was a doll, I'd want to have a bit of an edge, be confident and sexy while being casual and at ease.

If you were a doll, what would you look like?

For more self-portraits, look here.
To visit the rest of my blog, look here.

Transforming Fear

A while ago I was working through Sark's Make Your Creative Dreams Real. She has an exercise where you write out all your fears and then tear them up into tiny pieces and let them go. Instead of getting rid of the pieces, I wanted to do something with them, something transformational. I started to glue them on a page in my journal and this little cutie emerged. Every since she showed up, I feel a bit differently about fear. She's just the scared little part of me that wants to feel safe. And it's okay to want to feel safe, in fact, to want to be safe. It's just that she's so wee and so scared that she can be, well, oversensitive.

So when she reaches out and tugs at my sleeve, I look around. First, I check to see if there really is any danger because sometimes she's right on target. Maybe it is smart to wait, be quiet or go in another direction. But if the coast is clear or if it looks scary but also kind of exciting, I remind her that we're smart and resourceful and can handle the challenges along the way. And the best thing is that the more I show her I'm right about that, the less she needs to pull on my sleeve.

Appreciating Week 27

It's been a while since I've done an appreciation post. I miss looking at my week through the lens of gratitude, and so I'm getting back in the habit.

Sunday: How scrumptious are these reds? How festive? Justin and I were lucky enough to go over to Shannon's for a delicious meal that we finished off with the glorious strawberries and a summery rose!

Monday: Nothing says Canada Day like a barbecue. We had the greatest time over at my brother-in-law's. This is just my favourite picture of my oh, so, serious husband and nephew. Um, I'm figuring you can guess which is which.
Tuesday: I was thrilled to wake up and look out our living room window to see the promise of colour appearing on our lilies! I ran outside and took a picture right away. I'll be sure to post one of the blooms.

Wednesday: I went out to the garden to take some pictures and suddenly heard an insistent and friendly meow. Then this little guy just found his way over our fence and was ready for cuddles and affection. What a sweetie. We saw him last week for the first time and he could absolutely be our Jinx's brother. Of course, when she saw him out our window, she was just as interested but far less enamoured! (Hiss!)

Thursday: I went for my first Artist's Date. I had decided to go to this fancy little outdoor/gardening store and as I was approaching it, I found these sculptures behind a gallery. How wonderful. Of course, it is Toronto - hence the shopping cart abandoned amidst these captivating works of art.

Friday: And as always, my Friday treat is hanging out with my sister Shannon. We decided to lounge on the patio of Futures bakery, a student and Fringe participant staple. It's been years since we've been there. The mashed potatoes are as good as ever!

101 Things in 1001 Days ~ update 5

It has been a while since I've posted about my progress on my 101 List. I have now completed 10 tasks, almost 10% of the work at hand! Yay! Though when I looked at my list again I had totally forgotten about #48: Try a trapeze. Why did I think that was a good idea? hehe.

#37: Buy new glasses ~ Complete. This is the recent big completion (hence the picture). I have to say that it was quite an ordeal. I went into 3 different optical stores (2 of them I went into twice) and tried on just about every pair they had in the store. Finally I went with these black frames, and I'm feeling okay about them. I wear my contacts almost always when I'm out (in part because of my love for glamorous sunglasses), but it's a beautiful thing to have a pair of glasses you're not embarrassed to be seen in!

#18: Leave my day job ~ Progress. For those of you who have been following the drama, I have informed my boss of my intention to quit, though I will continue to do some contract work over the next while as they need and is convenient for me. It feels great to make space for the the things that are meaningful to me in my life: my coaching practice, my creative practice, my soul.

#23: Take 100 Nia classes ~ Progress. Man, I'm only at 6. I should have counted up how many classes I have to do per week to make this number. I have one regular class that I go to a week, and my intention is to amp it up to 2 for July. I'm hoping to get more immersed in preparation for my blue belt in November.

#88: Get window coverings in the kitchen ~ Progress. Yes, Justin and I have lived in our house for 2 years with 3 bare windows in our kitchen and neighbours close by. Today we bought some sheer blinds that we're hoping will work well, providing some privacy while still allowing light to filter through. We'll attempt to put them up this weekend. Wish us luck! Hopefully I'll be able to share a picture of our success next time!

#98: Go for a Thai Yoga Massage ~ Progress. I have saved the money to do this. Now it's just a matter of booking it. Thai yoga massage is incredibly intense. I did a 10-minute demo session at a yoga show and couldn't believe the relief I felt when I was done. I can't wait!

See my full 101 List here.
Find out more about 101 Things in 1001 Days including other people's lists here.